Kerra tried to stop drinking the traditional ways which never worked for her. A chance encounter with This Naked Mind led to an accidentally alcohol free life!
I’ve never told my story in words. Maybe not even a story, but pages of my story that I’m continuing to read myself. Each day, a couple more lines and maybe even a page or two. I literally stumbled across This Naked Mind as I was looking at other women’s pages on Instagram. I saw this casually placed stack of books. The title completely stared back at me. I ordered it right then from Amazon.
Struggling To Stop
I’d been struggling to just completely stop drinking for at least 2 of the past 4 years that I had really started becoming exceptionally dysfunctional with it. I’d stop for days, weeks, even months at a time. All the while continuing with my normal routine of an unmarried mom whose ex-husband passed away two years after our divorce. And from the very thing we had done together to cope with the loneliness of a non-communicative marriage, drink. I had a successful massage practice, went to the gym, helped with Sunday School, volunteered at my son’s school, dated a bit, met up with girlfriends for coffee or lunch. All of it. But I was hurting inside myself.
I couldn’t sleep and it had started during my divorce in 2011. It went in spurts and I drank continuously throughout that time frame. When my ex became sick and I wasn’t sure what was wrong the insomnia increased. I thought that if I never let myself really fall totally asleep that I wouldn’t have to wake up to anything I couldn’t control, the problem was I couldn’t control any of it. For me drinking absolutely put me to sleep.
That’s what I thought at first. Then I just continued to let myself think that even though it wasn’t working. I was waking up at 3 or 4 am with anxiety, sweating, and hearing every sound that crept inside the walls of our home. Every single tick of the imaginary clock. It got to a place where my son noticed I was not acting like myself. He would call my sister and it was well discussed amongst my family that there was a problem.
Over The Limit And Out Of Control
I was now in a serious relationship and he too was very well aware of my behavior and patterns of “no contact with the outside world” because I was too hungover or still “sleeping off my drunk” to be talking with anyone. It wasn’t the first time or even the twelfth time that I knew what I was not making any headway of catching up on sleep. When confronted by family and asked if I had a problem I said “Yes, I do have a problem.”
I created this relationship and allowed it to stay persistent and nagging in my life. The most dysfunctional boyfriend I’d ever had. It accepted me no matter what. Gym clothes, church clothes, work clothes, hair matted from binging, completely bloated and puffy from eating nothing but shots and then filling up on what sounded best- grease and carbs. It literally accepted me with arms wide open and lied to me making me think I needed it to sleep and just get one more day.
Trying The Traditional Ways
I started out with AA because that’s what EVERYONE said I needed to do. And get a sponsor.
For me, that was not “my” way. I grew up in those meetings with an alcoholic father. I spent some moments in Al-a-teen. AA works and it works well, but something was missing for me personally. I already knew my pattern was one that was crooked. It needed to be un-stitched and realigned. I was well ready for it. VERY much aware I had a problem. A very bad habit. An ugly one that I wished someone could just wash away, but it wasn’t about someone else helping me. For me, it was about me helping myself because I knew I could. I had no doubts. I just hadn’t tried hard enough all the times before. Allowing an emotion, whichever one it was to roll into my mind like a white-capped wave and allow me to make another excuse for letting my “boyfriend” back into my life.
Are You An Alcoholic?
Worried you might be an alcohol? Read my thoughts on it here!
Accidentally Alcohol Free
I read Annie’s book and could not stop. The pages filled with the information I was seeking. Craving. Devouring like the most romantic novel ever published. And honestly for me it’s just that, a love story. My love story of how I got back to my basics. Being who I was created to be, without alcohol. Accidentally alcohol free just from reading a book. All the breaking down of the process of alcohol and the ties that bind us made sense to me. And if I wasn’t willing to eat French fries or donuts then why in the hell was I swallowing gallons of gasoline? What in the hell? It made no sense to me how senseless I was actually being.
Wondering if an alcohol free life is right for you? Start reading This Naked Mind for free now and learn more!
Share Your Story
It’s been over two years now that I have lived an AF life. I am FOREVER grateful I stumbled across a post that just happened to have a picture of the book. Accident? Not even close. When people ask me how I did it I tell them “I read this book called This Naked Mind and it changed my life.” Thank you will never be enough. So from the very bottom of my heart, namaste! Please share your Naked Life story and inspire others like Kerra did!