When I got sober on August 17, 2008, after yet another happy hour turned sunrise, something inside of me had snapped. I remember standing on the balcony earlier that morning, just as I had run out of cocaine, chain smoking as the sun started to remind me what a degenerate person I had become, or at least that’s how it felt that day.
Realizing I had no where to sleep where I was and with the amount of amphetamines coursing through my veins I couldn’t sleep even if I tried, I made the impulsive move to drive home. Not a wise decision, but I did it anyways. Such was my life at the time as I danced with luck quite often.
As lady luck would have it again, I made it home without getting pulled over or crashing my car. I tried all the things that day to make the life-sucking voice of the comedown leave my head – vodka, a hot shower, pacing around my house, smoking cigarettes, more vodka, closing my eyes trying to count my way to sleep and failing miserably.
My anxiety, which was always borderline panic, had set in and I had grown so weary of this life I had been living. I was SO tired and the thrill of pulling all-nighters had completely lost its entire allure.
What was once fun was nowhere near fun anymore. It just felt like the nightmare version of Groundhog Day.
After hours of misery, laced with what I now know to be a mild case of delirium tremens, I reached a breaking point where I was desperate for change.
I could not go on like this any longer. Fighting comedowns was not how I wanted to spend my days and I had lost the will to even fight back.
If you have followed my story at all, you know my sober journey began with a prayer. I dropped to my knees on this day and begged a God I had never really talked to for a miracle.
I asked for help and knew this was not something I could do on my own. In that moment, with my heart ripped wide open, I invited in a divine intervention, as I’ve found is the only thing to call it.
From that day forward, I never drank alcohol or did cocaine again.
That was it. It’s like I had surgery that day and a new mind and soul was transplanted into my body.
This is what is known as, spontaneous sobriety. I came to learn about this concept in Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind and was shocked to learn this is actually a thing.
Needless to say, what happened after the prayer that would change my life is what I truly believe was the game changer.
What it really took for me to get sober was a willingness to do things differently.
I became willing in that very moment to change. To transform. To try new things. To do whatever it was going to take to stop the behaviors that were driving me into misery and insanity.
Sobriety is not about willpower; it’s about willingness to do things radically different.
People often ask me what it took for me to get sober. The seeds of sobriety were planted and watered in me for a very long time before the flower of truth budded up inside me.
The whisper to change became a roaring scream that I finally had no choice but to listen to.
However, the willingness to do things differently along with God’s divine hand in my life is what cracked me open and allowed for real, lasting transformation to occur.
If you want to hear the full story of how I came into addiction and then came out of it into recovery, my dear friend The Sober Senorita and I just had a chat with Annie Grace, author of This Naked Mind (the book I mentioned earlier) on her podcast.
On it, I dish on many other details not mentioned here like the traumatic car accident that coincided with the onset of my addictive behaviors as a teenager and my first (and last) AA meeting, which outlines why it wasn’t part of my path.
Miracles are, indeed, brewing.
Being sober is SO much more than not drinking or using.
It’s a lifestyle of radical clarity, wellness, self-development and adventure.
I’ll show you the way and give you the tools to live more intentionally, play bigger, vibe higher and create a life you love waking up into every day.